the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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