I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
