Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
