Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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