I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
