Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
