Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
