It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
