Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
