Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
