i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
