I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
