dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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