I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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