I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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