it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
