I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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