Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
