Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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