theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
