Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
