At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
