Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
