i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
