maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize