Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
