so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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