You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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