I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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