Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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