i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
