There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He shit in the fireplace
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
