Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
