if i died would you start the facebook group?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
