There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
