he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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