i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
my penis made a compromise with my morals
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
