Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
