turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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