i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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