if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
