Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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