So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
