The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
