one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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