Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
