sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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