So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
