Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
