I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
