alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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