I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
