I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
