I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
