I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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